Ginamarie

Once upon a time, in the rustic kingdom of Garizia, there lived two beautiful princesses. Helena, the eldest, was fair of hair and spirit, the most agreeable child that the king and queen had ever known. Seraphina, on the other hand, was fiercely independent and far less prone to do as her parents asked. When the girls became marrying age, Helena was quickly engaged to a local nobleman. He was the first to truly court her, and was kind and loyal, and anything Helena could have asked for. They married and lived on the estate nearest the royal castle in the type of blissful existence one would expect for a regal heir.

Seraphina, on the other hand, saw her fill of suitors, and none of them met her expectations or desires. She had been courted conceited princes and boring knights, making small talk over their jousts. Seraphina was tired of the endless search for a husband, and wished her parents would stop inviting all these men to the castle. She was much more interested in exploring the kingdom, riding her horse through the fields and forests. Oftentimes, Seraphina would sneak away from the pomp and circumstance and slip into the stables to ride away. In the stable was a boy just older than she, Max, and he cared for her horse, cleaned and fed and saddled the speckled Appaloosa. As time went by, Seraphina found herself confiding in the stable boy. He was so much more knowledgeable about life outside the castle walls. Max knew yarns and off-color limericks, and he shared her curiosity about traveling the world.

As Seraphina spent more time in the stables than she did in court, her parents became concerned. Surely, she did not belong being romanced by a stable boy. One afternoon, the Queen snuck down to the stable herself to spy on her daughter, and the giddy look in each of their eyes was unmistakable. Max had to go. So, on Wednesday morning, the stable boy was fired, and an old man filled into his place. When Seraphina discovered her parents’ betrayal, she was incensed. As soon as Max was gone, she realized that she’d fallen deeply in love with him and did not want to live without him at her side. Knowing that she needed some strong magic to outsmart her parents, the princess slipped into the east wing of the castle to beg the royal apothecary for assistance.

She explained to the apothecary that he must assist her, because it was a matter of true love. Unfortunately, she did not realize that the wizard had his own agenda that fateful day, as he had just finished a potion meant to bring dragons back to the kingdom. The wizard was sure that he could raise and train young dragons to protect the realm, and that he would be a hero to all, but he needed someone to take his potion first. He took out the vial of dragon elixir and explained that Seraphina would benefit from becoming a dragon. Once she was huge and breathed fire, her parents would have no choice but to abide by her wishes, and just one kiss by her beloved would turn him, too, into a grand and miraculous beast. Seraphina imagined she and Max flying across the world on their dragon wings, able to do whatever they wished, whenever they wished. She grabbed the vial and ran out into the courtyard, swallowing its contents in one gulp.

As promised, the potion transformed the princess from her slender raven haired self into a green scaled dragon. She choked a little at the fire steaming in her belly and carefully examined all of her new parts. Seraphina was now the most intimidating figure in Garizia. At once, she set out into the village to find Max, her giant dragon feet feeling like heavy weights. The villagers who saw her gasped and hid for cover, whispering from their shadowy hiding spaces about their fear and wonder of this strange creature. Seraphina barely noticed their shock, as she was determined to find her love.

Outside of the local blacksmith, she spotted Max and ran (as quickly as she could with her awkward dragon legs) to his side. Max screamed and recoiled behind a nearby water barrel. Seraphina began to explain herself, but all that emerged from her mouth were awful growling noises and screeches. As hard as she tried to speak words to him, she couldn’t. Realizing that she was only scaring Max further with her advances, Seraphina flew away from the town heartbroken. She felt as though she’d made a horrible mistake and that Max would never be able to love her as a beast.

Seraphina perched herself in the tallest tree of the forest and began to cry. She cried for weeks, and then months, and then a full year. She cried giant, heaping dragon tears, which gathered at the bottom of the forest until they started to pool into a puddle, and then a pond, and then a whole sea. After some time, Seraphina realized that her tree was about to float away in what was literally a sea or her own tears, and so the dragon began to swim. She swam as far away as she could, wondering what she might find on the other side of the kingdom.

Meanwhile, back in the village, Max was perplexed. He had noticed that the dragon that approached him wore the locket of the Princess Seraphina. Max was completely smitten with the princess, and his heart had broken when the King fired him from the royal stables. After his visit from the dragon, he ran to the castle to see what had become of the princess, but by all accounts, Seraphina had disappeared. Max begged for an audience with the King, to explain that he believed the dragon had eaten the princess, but the King would not see him, as he was grieving for the loss of his daughter. So, the stable boy set out on his own to find the beast. When he realized that the dragon was flooding the forest, he began to build a boat. Plank by plank, stick by stick, Max built himself a ship that would withstand the waves of the growing sea. It took him months of work to create the vessel, working late into the night after a full day at the blacksmith shop, but finally, the boat was completed.

Max asked around the village to see if anyone else was willing to seek out the dragon, but the villagers were too afraid. Each of them gave him a tale about how the dragon had transformed into a sea monster, known for eating everything alive, and warned him that if he were unlucky enough to see its fiery eyes in the black of night, that he should sail away as quickly as possible or he would meet his master. So, Max sailed off on his own, far into the sea of tears. He sailed until he no longer saw land in any direction, and then kept on sailing. He couldn’t help thinking that Seraphina would have enjoyed this adventure with him, a thought that made him even more determined to avenge her death.

After a month at sea, Max began to lose hope. The sea was bewitching. He felt as though he’d sailed in every direction and could no longer find his way back to land, even if he wanted to. He was beginning to run out of food and supplies, and was so lost and tired, that he wondered if he had made a mistake sailing off to find the dragon.

Just as he lay lethargically across the deck of the ship, he noticed a terrible storm rolling in. Max found the energy to roll up his sails and prepare for the worst, but as the sky grew darker he became more afraid. His ship was not built to sustain a major storm. The waves began thrashing the ship in every direction, with the wind causing him to roll violently from side to side. Max feared that this was a fate far worse than the dragon could have been. In desperation and feeling they may be his final words, Max cried out for his true love. “Seraphina,” he screamed over and over.

Seraphina was coasting along the top of the sea, like a giant scaled duck. She didn’t mind the storm, because at least it made her feel something, and she let it bob her back and forth across the water like an adventure ride at an amusement park. Only, she could swear that she heard a man in the distance, and his voice sounded both familiar and fearful. She paddled closer, in order to hear him better through the wind and rain. As she neared him, Seraphina became more and more aware that the voice belonged to Max, and that he was probably in trouble in this weather. She tried to fly to him, knowing that would be fastest, but the wind was too strong. So she dove deep under the current, as quickly as she could, popping up near the distressed boat. On the boat, she found Max, clinging to the mast and shouting out her name.

Max was in awe of the giant dragon once again. He was sure this was the same beast that approached him in the village, though it was too dark and rainy to notice if she were still wearing the princess’s necklace. Initially, he grabbed for the knife in his boot, thinking that he may be able to take just one stab at it before the waves would take him down. That’s when the strangest thing happened. The dragon used its nose to gently lift him onto its back, and then sheltered him with one wing while it used the other to guide them to shore. This creature didn’t want to eat him, it was trying to save him.

They coasted to safety upon a rocky beach, as the storm passed in the opposite direction. Max wondered why this dragon would harm his princess, and yet spare his life. The dragon dropped Max at the shoreline and collapsed, resting its head against a boulder in exhaustion. Max, no longer fearing for his life, climbed on top of the boulder to get a better look at his rescuer. It was then, looking into the dragon’s eyes, that he realized his mistake. The dragon had not eaten Seraphina; Seraphina was the dragon.

Seraphina had used all of her energy to save Max. It had been a burst of adrenaline, particularly because she thought she’d never see him again. As he climbed the rocks to look at her more closely, she gazed lovingly at the future she’d never have. It was a complete surprise when Max took a moment and returned that loving gaze, and an even bigger surprise as he kneeled down and kissed her snout. At once, she saw the young man transform, much in the way she must have done herself the year prior. Max had no idea that his kiss would transform him into a dragon, but once he was over his shock, he leaned in his own long neck and wrapped it around Seraphina.

In the most unlikely of ways, Max and Seraphina had found a way to make their dreams come true. They spent the next two hundred years flying around the kingdom and beyond, often with a baby dragon or two in tow. At last, they were free.

Mildred strolled up to the familiar stone bridge, her boho style purse swinging behind her as she lumbered along. At the edge of the bridge, she knelt down and ran her fingers along the mossy stone, picking the larger clumps from between the stones and tossing them into the riverbed. Normally, she would just plop down and lean against the rocks, but recently she did so, only to find someone's old chewing gum in her hair, so she'd become a little more discriminatory about her spot.

She sat down and removed her wide brimmed hat, throwing her face up towards the sky and taking one large slow breath after another. She loved the feeling of the sun against her skin in the first days of spring. Even though the air was still brisk and she'd layered herself with sweaters, Mildred knew that the sun was about to give her cheeks a pink tinge and a spray of freckles.

Mildred propped her glasses up on top of her head and pulled her book from her purse, ready to start the day's reading. She'd read this one before, and it was one of her favorites, even if she couldn't totally relate. The heroine of this novel was fair haired and petite and docile, and she had none of these traits. Mildred would never be waiting around for a knight in shining armor, and honestly, she was disappointed in the knights she had encountered. They weren't the dashing, brave heroes that she'd read about. They were immature young men with unrealistic ideals. They weren't crafting or cunning, just full of unfounded bravado.

Still, the book was worth a read. It transported her to a whole different beautiful universe as soon as she opened its musty pages. Maybe someday someone would write a heroine like herself, someone she could really relate to, but for now, she could try to imagine herself as the lithe princess.

After a couple of hours, Mildred started to feel sleepy, her eyes starting to droop. She found herself needing to refocus her eyes on the page and re-read paragraphs that she'd blinked her way through. She was about to pull some snacks from her purse when she heard a horse approaching the bridge.

"Who goes there," she shouted, with no idea who or what may be waiting on the other side of the trees.

"It is I, Lord Walsey, of the Dancing Glen," shouted the newcomer. The Lord brought his horse to a halt just in front of Mildred's reading spot. He wore a suit of iron armor, much like the characters in Mildred's book, but with a bright red plume emerging from his helmet, as though he were someone of real importance.

"And what do you have for the toll for the bridge," asked Mildred.

"Be gone with you, troll," he responded, resting his hand on his sword as though he were about to brandish it if needed.

Mildred rolled her eyes and placed her glasses back over her eyes so as to get a better look at the knight. "You know how this works, right? You get to the bridge, you pay the toll, and I let you cross." Mildred spoke slowly and clearly so the knight would understand her.

"I have no time for tolls," shouted the knight, in a tone too loud and boisterous for the situation at hand. "I'm on a mission!"

"Let me guess," said Mildred, still crouched in her reading spot. "You're on your way to save the maiden in Belshoi's Tower from the green dragon? You're too late. The dragon was banished a month ago."

"Oh," the knight groaned, dejected. "I guess I was a little late to the party on that." The knight removed his helmet, showing off a mop of jet black hair and a pair of wire brimmed glasses. "I'm actually not one for fighting. My dad has been pushing me to rescue a bride of my own, but I dunno."

Mildred almost felt badly for this knight. She'd never seen one so vulnerable before. She lifted herself to her feet, her curly red hair swinging in the breeze, until she towered over the man and his horse. Normally, those who didn't pay the toll would now become her lunch, but since this knight didn't need to pass after all, she could spare him. She wanted to spare him. There was something about him. She expected the knight to recoil at her size, to be scared of her giant hands and sharp teeth, but the knight just looked at her in wonder instead.

"What are you reading," he asked. "I've read everything in my house already, so I'm always looking for new stories." Mildred showed him the book, but it was one he's already read, and they spent the next half hour comparing their book collection. They lamented that it was so hard to get a hold of new materials to read, as they both loved the experience of reading a new book and finding new friends on its pages. "You should come over sometime, and I could show you my library."

Mildred had never been to a human's house. She'd never been invited. She'd never thought that she would ever be invited. "What are you going to do now that the quest for the princess is over?"

Lord Walsey looked at the ground and bit his lip. "I'm going to try something new. I'm going to try writing my own story."

Mildred smiled. "Will you write about a new princess and try to will her to life?"

Lord Walsey smiled back. "No, I think I'm going to write about an unexpectedly beautiful troll."

I was back at the endocrinologist yesterday. I'm grateful to have found her. We are a similar age, though she is tall and slender and blonde and I'm dark and pudgy. She is a good listener and always seems to be looking outside the box for solutions. She has kind eyes and what I'd imagine to be a kind face in general, but her eyes are about all I can see since we have to wear masks now. We agreed to increase my medication, which means taking my tiny pills and slicing them into quarters for an extra quarter pill a day. In the meantime, the nodule on my thyroid continues to grow ever so slowly and my liver function is a little worse- all things we need to keep monitoring. It seems inevitable that I will need my thyroid ablated (where they administer radioactive iodine to kill off the organ), but we are trying to hold off for now. My doctor wants to biopsy the nodule to be absolutely sure it's benign, but it's still too small. More bloodwork in a few weeks, come back to review in March.

Three years ago, I didn't even know I had thyroid issues. With me, there are always medical abnormalities- tumors, cysts, etc. No one in my family had suffered from thyroid issues though. My symptoms started on a cruise, with the most serious feeling issue being that my legs, ankles and feet swelled. I chalked it up to increased salt intake in the restaurants and maybe high blood pressure. So when we got home, I started seeing a cardiologist who confirmed that my heart was in great shape- my cholesterol and sale and potassium were all fine. My stress test looked perfectly normal. One number though, was completely off track- my thyroid was working in overdrive, causing high blood pressure and things like palpitations and shortness of breath. It turns out, I have both Grave's Disease and Hashimoto's, with the Grave's Disease usually kicking into gear and making me sick. I've been trying to find balance for my thyroid hormones ever since.

"How's your nausea," asked the doctor, knowing that it's something that always lingers. I've always been "a puker," with nothing to attribute it to. Some of my early memories are being carsick (no one else in my family gets it), driving to my grandparents' lake house and laying my head on my great-grandfather's lap, opening and closing my eyes to see the streetlights wiz by while my great-grandfather stroked his cigarette scented hands through my hair and tried to comfort me. I remember how angry my mom got when I puked all over the back floor of her brand new maroon Bonneville just as we pulled into the driveway. When I was about 10 or 11, I had about three weeks of puking every day. My mom was desperate to get me into school instead of laying around and watching The Price is Right, but I'd get to school and within a couple of hours, I'd puke and get sent to the nurse's office to go home. One day, the nurse pulled my mom aside and asked if I might be pregnant because I'd been avoiding her questions about whether or not I'd gotten my period yet (I hadn't, and my best friend and I had hidden the permission slip for the "puberty talk" with the nurse, so we didn't really know what it was to have a period). Mom was so insulted! Now I wonder if all that was my thyroid. If it was an episode of the Grave's Disease acting up.

"And the anxiety," she questioned. Anxiety- my old friend. I guzzled Mylanta in high school, and even so, I developed a bleeding ulcer. Little things have terrified me. Everything can keep me up at night. At 17, I had a full blown existential crisis because I'd realized that I would never be the best at anything. There was always someone (or many someones) who were smarter or more talented or more beautiful. I had a series of panic attacks over how average I was. I was mundane and it made me anxious. I have run away from things for being too secure or not secure enough. I am never comfortable. The anxiety still plagues me. I would tell you details about my last panic attack- hyperventilating uncontrollably on my bathroom floor (in a house I love, surrounded by the people I love), but thinking about that moment makes me anxious right now.

"How about your periods," she asks. It's the trifecta of continuing issues. I'm taking medication so that my periods only come once every three months. I'm on the verge of a full hysterectomy because of all the fibroids and ovarian cysts, but taking everything out will do a number on my hormones.. and with the thyroid ablasion still on the table, it could be twice as brutal. I used to laugh at women who complained about their periods, but mine have been getting progressively more painful over the last ten years. Endometria grow in and around my uterus. Some larger than others- one large tumor was removed at Sloane Kettering after numerous colo-rectal surgeons on Long Island said the operation was too complicated. I've had six miscarriages, and now I think the Grave's may have been involved there too, especially the last one which occurred right before my Grave's diagnosis. That was a second trimester miscarriage that I suffered at home- and buried that baby in the garden of my old house on Long Island. I still feel guilty for leaving him there- in the cold ground of what is now someone else's home. That gives be anxiety.. insomnia. It's a vicious cycle.

So we adjust my meds. At least we are working on a solution, instead of letting the disease drag me under.

Welcome to my new DW account. I'll be playing LJ Idol's Survivor season in the next few weeks. It looks like a lot of fun! I actually resumed my rewatch of all 40 Survivor seasons over the weekend and started Gamechangers. I had to take a break after finishing Millenials vs. Gen X because it was SO good. I may consider that as one of my top 3 seasons. It's going to be weird not having new Survivor episodes to watch for awhile, especially since we're trapped at home for so much of the time now.

Hoping for good weather this coming weekend. The cub scouts are supposed to do a hike on Sunday and the fresh air sounds glorious right now. OK, back to work here and I'll see what happens at the marooning tomorrow!