LJ Survivor- Smash and Grab
Nov. 13th, 2020 07:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lawchicky819"Take the ferry," I mumbled to myself. "The ferry is cheaper!" This is typical of me. Even on a business trip, I'm trying to save the company money. I should have flown, and then I wouldn't be on this nightmare of an ordeal, but hindsight is 20/20.
The ferry sank. It had to be 10 hours ago, maybe 12? Who knows? When you're stranded on an island with a bunch of strangers and a boss you hate, how can you keep track of time? I mean, my phone would have been a good way to check the time, but it was drenched along with the rest of me. It won't go on. I've tried many times now. I'm dying to send a text message to my family saying "I'm ok but send help!" I think help will get here soon. The storm is dying down. Most of the passengers seem relatively positive except this one older woman who keeps wailing "we're doomed, we're going to die!!" I wish she'd take a long walk somewhere far away, because it's pretty disconcerting.
You know what's really ridiculous about this? I'm a terrible swimmer. As soon as the Captain suggested putting on our safety vests, I suited up. I don't even think he was done with his announcement, and I was wrapped in a giant orange vest, buckled up and safe. I can float and paddle. Yes, like a child. That's exactly what I did, all the way to shore. Would you believe my awful boss kept yelling at me to hurry up to shore. The stupid ferry was sinking, people were crying and trying to stay together, and my awful nightmare boss was swimming miles ahead of me and telling me to move my arse faster. I suspect that she didn't want to explain to the firm that she lost her employee on a business trip.
Some of the passengers are out in the water now, trying to catch some fish- as though we're starving. Me? I'm exhausted and thirsty. I don't know how any of these people slept last night. I kept having nightmares of ferries sinking- like hundreds of ferries all drifting to the bottom of the sea. Plus I know there were things crawling on me, even when I tried to cover as much of my skin as possible with smelly wet clothing. I'm dried out now for the most part, but thirsty. So, I've gathered up some coconuts and found a sharp piece of metal from the ferry wreck. I've never cracked open a coconut, but this is worth a shot.
Meanwhile, the boss is shouting at me from her place in the sand. She wants to reconstruct our meeting with the harbormaster, as all of our notes are not lost at sea. She's writing stuff in the sand. I'm not sure if she realizes that we can't take the beach with us when we get rescued. "Did he say the cargo ship docked first or the tanker.. or the cruise ship," she asks.
If I were a different person, I might use this shard of metal to whap her in the head and offer her as food to the hungry people. Oh, that's dark. I'm not that person. I'm a vegetarian for goodness sakes. I notice a young boy watching me with the coconuts, and feel very self conscious about my gruesome imagination. I'm going to get this kid a delicious coconut if it's the last thing I do.
I set the coconut down on a rock and try to take a swing at it.
I miss. The coconut sits motionless on the rock as my arms reverb from the crack of the metal onto it. I straighten out my shoulders, look at the coconut with fierce determination, and wind up for another swing.
This time I hit the coconut on its side and it flies off of the rock into the sand. My young friend laughs at my reaction, which included shouting loudly as the coconut launched. My boss continues asking questions about work- which I would rather forget exists at the moment.
"Third time's a charm," I tell myself, setting the coconut back onto the rock. I stare at the hairy fruit, lift my arms well above my head, like I'd imagine King Arthur to do before a fatal blow, and connect right down the middle of the coconut. It almost breaks in half. I feel invincible.
I use my now incredibly strong arms to pull the coconut apart the rest of the way. A small amount of milk sits in each half. I hand one to the boy and use the other to show him how to drink the milk and scrape out the coconut meat. It's delicious. We smile at each other and chew heartily. I'm not sure I'll ever open a coconut that well again, but at least I know I can do it.
And then, on the horizon, we see a ship. It's coming towards us! Thank goodness I don't have to worry about opening any more coconuts, and I can get home and see my kids, and put on clean clothing, and take a shower. My boss is waving her arms around like a crazy woman. I notice she's removed her pants and is trying to use them like a flag of sorts (as though the ship may not know we're here). Seriously- it's the 21st century, we weren't going to be here forever. I wish my stupid phone worked because this is picture-worthy. I'm happy to see my new friend get approached by his mom so that they can get rescued together.
I walk over to the one person I know from the ferry. "Put your pants back on, and I quit!"
The ferry sank. It had to be 10 hours ago, maybe 12? Who knows? When you're stranded on an island with a bunch of strangers and a boss you hate, how can you keep track of time? I mean, my phone would have been a good way to check the time, but it was drenched along with the rest of me. It won't go on. I've tried many times now. I'm dying to send a text message to my family saying "I'm ok but send help!" I think help will get here soon. The storm is dying down. Most of the passengers seem relatively positive except this one older woman who keeps wailing "we're doomed, we're going to die!!" I wish she'd take a long walk somewhere far away, because it's pretty disconcerting.
You know what's really ridiculous about this? I'm a terrible swimmer. As soon as the Captain suggested putting on our safety vests, I suited up. I don't even think he was done with his announcement, and I was wrapped in a giant orange vest, buckled up and safe. I can float and paddle. Yes, like a child. That's exactly what I did, all the way to shore. Would you believe my awful boss kept yelling at me to hurry up to shore. The stupid ferry was sinking, people were crying and trying to stay together, and my awful nightmare boss was swimming miles ahead of me and telling me to move my arse faster. I suspect that she didn't want to explain to the firm that she lost her employee on a business trip.
Some of the passengers are out in the water now, trying to catch some fish- as though we're starving. Me? I'm exhausted and thirsty. I don't know how any of these people slept last night. I kept having nightmares of ferries sinking- like hundreds of ferries all drifting to the bottom of the sea. Plus I know there were things crawling on me, even when I tried to cover as much of my skin as possible with smelly wet clothing. I'm dried out now for the most part, but thirsty. So, I've gathered up some coconuts and found a sharp piece of metal from the ferry wreck. I've never cracked open a coconut, but this is worth a shot.
Meanwhile, the boss is shouting at me from her place in the sand. She wants to reconstruct our meeting with the harbormaster, as all of our notes are not lost at sea. She's writing stuff in the sand. I'm not sure if she realizes that we can't take the beach with us when we get rescued. "Did he say the cargo ship docked first or the tanker.. or the cruise ship," she asks.
If I were a different person, I might use this shard of metal to whap her in the head and offer her as food to the hungry people. Oh, that's dark. I'm not that person. I'm a vegetarian for goodness sakes. I notice a young boy watching me with the coconuts, and feel very self conscious about my gruesome imagination. I'm going to get this kid a delicious coconut if it's the last thing I do.
I set the coconut down on a rock and try to take a swing at it.
I miss. The coconut sits motionless on the rock as my arms reverb from the crack of the metal onto it. I straighten out my shoulders, look at the coconut with fierce determination, and wind up for another swing.
This time I hit the coconut on its side and it flies off of the rock into the sand. My young friend laughs at my reaction, which included shouting loudly as the coconut launched. My boss continues asking questions about work- which I would rather forget exists at the moment.
"Third time's a charm," I tell myself, setting the coconut back onto the rock. I stare at the hairy fruit, lift my arms well above my head, like I'd imagine King Arthur to do before a fatal blow, and connect right down the middle of the coconut. It almost breaks in half. I feel invincible.
I use my now incredibly strong arms to pull the coconut apart the rest of the way. A small amount of milk sits in each half. I hand one to the boy and use the other to show him how to drink the milk and scrape out the coconut meat. It's delicious. We smile at each other and chew heartily. I'm not sure I'll ever open a coconut that well again, but at least I know I can do it.
And then, on the horizon, we see a ship. It's coming towards us! Thank goodness I don't have to worry about opening any more coconuts, and I can get home and see my kids, and put on clean clothing, and take a shower. My boss is waving her arms around like a crazy woman. I notice she's removed her pants and is trying to use them like a flag of sorts (as though the ship may not know we're here). Seriously- it's the 21st century, we weren't going to be here forever. I wish my stupid phone worked because this is picture-worthy. I'm happy to see my new friend get approached by his mom so that they can get rescued together.
I walk over to the one person I know from the ferry. "Put your pants back on, and I quit!"
no subject
Date: 2020-11-14 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-11-14 12:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-11-14 09:01 am (UTC).. but on the second read? Oh, it clicked. I love how tongue-and-cheek it is. The boss. The one whining person. The determination to survive in this island setting (because we know what that stands for).
And yeah. Quit that boss. LOL. ;)
This is clever. I will admit that I didn't see what was happening during the initial read, but the second time around? Oooh yeah, I got it. This is good. :)
no subject
Date: 2020-11-14 12:41 pm (UTC)And the quitting is just part of the story. I couldn't resist the ending line, and I certainly relate to the feeling, but I'll see this out to the bitter end.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-14 09:51 pm (UTC)And I know you aren't planning to quit. You're just quitting the BOSS. It's all good. ;)
no subject
Date: 2020-11-15 03:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-11-16 11:36 am (UTC)Love it! :-)
no subject
Date: 2020-11-16 02:47 pm (UTC)I loved the line about not being able to take the beach with you when you leave; that type of personality probably doesn't realize that!
Good work :D
no subject
Date: 2020-11-17 09:22 pm (UTC)I once wrote a resignation letter with a first draft that just said, "I fucking quit." It was so satisfying. Of course, I deleted that and wrote a much more professional one. Never had to wave my pants around though.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-17 09:25 pm (UTC)This was pretty hilarious. And sounds like a couple of bosses I have had. But I'm proud of the narrator for her coconut prowess and feeding a kid!
This was really fun!
no subject
Date: 2020-11-17 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-11-17 11:49 pm (UTC)hurry up to shore.
Already, we can see why the narrator hates that boss. And the 'meeting notes' on the sand, plus the rest of the "Bark! Bark! I am relevant! Bark!" behavior, just cements it.
Plus I know there were things crawling on me, even when I tried to cover as much of my skin as possible
Exactly my fear, if I were ever to camp out on the open. Ewww...
no subject
Date: 2020-11-18 10:16 am (UTC)